getting a life

I have not been a consistent blogger. And I feel I owe my audience an explanation. I also feel that it is a stretch to use the word audience in this situation. But, I never said big audience and I think that an audience of three or four is still an audience. I also think very highly of my small audience, naturally I think they, and by they I mean you, are the best audience. This is evidenced by their (your) fabulous comments and very good taste. You (they) should read all of your (their) blogs too. At this point you should  be very confused and by you I mean you.

The reason I have come up with for my poor blogging etiquette is that I just recently got a life. There a lot of really good things about having a life (more on that later) but right now I am going to concentrate on the not so good things about having a life. I do this because I am much more comfortable talking about negative things than positive things. Looking on the bright side just makes people who have truly hard lives feel worse, I think. I have no evidence to back this up, but it just makes sense to me. And I am all about making people feel better, not worse. Also, I have a hard time finding the humor in happiness, so when ever I try to write happy it just comes out sappy, and nobody benefits from that.

Any who, back to getting a life. Thanks to a delicate balance of four different drugs, I find that I am back in the game. I can do things now, real things. I can make appointments before 2:00 in the afternoon. I can make impromptu dates at 9:00 at night. I can go gluten free again without going crazy. I can lose five pounds without losing my mind. I can get up from my cozy spot on the couch to straighten a crooked picture (why?).  I can balance my checkbook without taking a Xanax. I can get up at 7:00 without crashing three hours later. I can make my bed every morning and put all my clothes away. On top of all this I have two very part-time jobs that I am actually getting paid for. And two jobs that I am not getting paid for, just to even things out. I’m still not actually making any money but I’m assuming that will come after I get the swing of having a life. Or maybe not. Money is not my thing. Let me clarify, making money is not my thing. I just not good at it. Spending money is where I really shine.

So what’s the down side you ask? The down side is that I cannot stop myself from doing. Now that I am back to doing I cannot not do. I must force myself to sit down and take a load off. I have not read a book or a whole magazine article in a month. I can’t remember if I used to be like this. I never thought of myself as a type A person. But looking back on my life before I got really sick and tired I was kind of obsessive or at the very least determined. I never thought of it that way though. I never noticed it. Not like I do now. I never stopped to think about the fact that I was falling apart while I went to law school at night when my children were in grade school, and I was in a back and leg brace and my hand was in  a cast and my marriage was  in the toilet. I just kept ticking.  Not like the energizer bunny. More like a bomb.

So here I am with a life that is powered not by real energy but by drugs. And some of these drugs have obsessive compulsive qualities (as discussed in a previous post). The result is a highly functioning, very busy, slightly obsessive, people pleaser who is precariously perched on the edge of  her life.

And so my dear audience, all of this is just my way of saying that  I’m too busy to update my blog.

tick, tick, tick……….

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5 responses

  1. I am also feeling stronger and more back in the game by the day. I have found it very useful to stop several times a day and acknowledge what I am grateful for. There seems to be so much right now and it becomes a kind of mini meditation to stop and be aware of it.

    Love,

    Catherine

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